I was looking through Angela Duckworth’s website and decided to borrow something verbatim. Dr. Duckworth is a great writer and talks much more articulately about some things I also try to talk about with MVXC.
Angela Duckworth’s original post is here.
“Last week, I had the pleasure of talking onstage at the Aspen Ideas Festival with Jackie Bezos, a board member of Character Lab.
Earlier in the day, I met with this year’s Bezos Scholars, exceptionally gritty and purpose-driven high school students who will spend the next year developing social change projects in their communities.
After my talk, one of these young scholars and I got to talking about our favorite teachers. I suggested she do what I never did when I was her age: write a gratitude letter thanking that teacher for what she’d done for her.
This young lady assured me she would sit down and write the letter as soon as she got home from Aspen. Knowing what I do about the intention-behavior gap, I suggested she take two minutes right then and there and simply text her teacher a quick note of thanks.
Did she write that text? Maybe. But maybe instead, she’d hesitate. Maybe she’d worry she wouldn’t be able to put into words everything she wanted to say. And maybe that pause would be the end of a beautiful impulse.
Writing and delivering a gratitude letter to someone you’ve never properly thanked is an exercise that has been thoroughly investigated in psychological science. It works miracles. Both the sender and the receiver feel absolutely wonderful afterwards.
But new research suggests that most people underestimate just how wonderful the target of our gratitude will feel. We worry unnecessarily that we won’t get the words “just right.” We become preoccupied with our competence as writers.
Have you ever received a thank you note and taken out a red pen to edit it? No, you haven’t. You were simply thrilled to have been thought of, and appreciated, and cared about.
The next time you hesitate to send a letter, an email, or even a thumb-typed text message saying that you appreciate what another person has done for you, remember that when it comes to gratitude, anything is infinitely better than nothing.
With grit and gratitude,
Angela”
How to Write a Gratitude Letter
How do I do it?
Write a letter to a person who has influenced you life in a positive way. This could be a teacher, relative, mentor, or coach. If you can, read your letter aloud to the person you chose.
How does it work?
Gratitude letters help you focus on the positive influence of another person in your life. This reminds you that someone cares about you, and that you matter. In addition, reading the letter to your chosen person can be a powerful experience for you and the recipient—more than you originally expected.
Consider the following:
• What do you most remember them doing or saying?
• What is an important memory or experience from your time with them?
• How would your life be different if you hadn’t met them?
• What character strengths do you most appreciate most about them?
• What makes them special and important in your life story?
Inspired by: Seligman, M. E. P., Steen, T. A., Park, N., & Peterson, C. (2005). Positive psychology progress: Empirical validation of interventions. American Psychologist, 60(5), 410-421.