On Tuesday mornings, my run group meets at 5:30am. Still a little sleepy, we have a quick talk and pick the route we will run. We then do a quick check on who is there and ready to go. Depending on who might be missing, we have a quick discussion…for example, if Mike is missing, we will probably wait a couple minutes and check our phones to see if Mike left a message. If James is not there, we shrug and say he is probably not coming, and start our run.
They are both good guys and friends. We like them. However, Mike is reliably on time or let’s us know if he is not going to make it. Personally, I count on Mike when he says he will be there for a training run that is important to me. James is hit-or-miss. We will wait and make an extra effort for Mike, but for James, if he is not there at 5:30, we will roll.
You kids know, it is really easy to skip a summer, athlete-lead group run. Coach is not there to jump on absentees. We can easily justify (to ourselves) why it is OK to bail; we can run later in the day, no one there is depending on us and they have plenty of other people to run with, I was up later last night than I planned when I said I would be at the track for a run. There are lots and lots of reasons to bail. Let me give you a few reasons you should get up and make it to the group run, two reasons you will expect from your coach and another reason that might be more important to you:
- Getting up and running with the group will make you a better runner. You will likely run faster and farther with training partners around you, helping you get more fit and become a better runner.
- Getting out the door and starting your run is the hardest part of the workout. So for you and your team, knowing that you will all be there at 7am or 6pm helps you get off the couch and start rolling. How many times do you run for two blocks and then say ‘meh’ and stop, walk home and go back to bed? Probably never. But how many times do you roll over in bed or play one more level on a video game and say ‘forget it’? Exactly. So by supporting the group, you are making yourself and our team better.
- If you get in the habit of being reliable…you are going to be a better friend, and have deeper and more satisfying relationships.
The first two points are probably obvious by now to MVXC runners! Stick with me as I write a bit about the third point.
Friendship is about being adhesive. We stick with our friends over a long period of time. We get to know each other deeply, we count on each other, we trust each other. People that we can depend on MATTER to us and we want to keep them in our lives, we trust them. We know that if we make a date to go see Spider-Man on opening night, our friends will be there, our friends won’t bail on us and we will be left with no one to go to the movies. We know that if we are in a study group together, our friends will be there and be prepared and do their part so we all do well. We trust that our friends will be there for our birthday parties or big competitions or graduation parties or weddings.
On the other hand, it is easy to justify bailing on our friends. When we made our appointment for the movies, we did not know how busy our week would be and now we are really tired. We are not the smartest Spanish student, anyway, so it does not matter if we prepare or not; the other people are going to lead the group. It doesn’t matter if we skip our friend’s birthday party because there will be lots of people there, anyway, and they will hardly notice if I’m not there. There are an infinite number of excuses or justifications to bail.
But all this stuff DOES matter. Your friend probably had a busy week too (at MVHS we all are busy and stressed!) and maybe he was counting on an evening with you at the movies to end the week on a high note. If you don’t even want to try to be a good Spanish student, then why should you be getting the advantage and take the time of a bunch of hard workers? Did you think about the impact on the other person when she looks around her birthday party and does not see you there (don’t bail on an invitation simply because you think you won’t be noticed, that is making the decision about you and not your friend. If you were invited, you were wanted, and you accepted).
There are lots of reasons to bail, and one big reason not to bail: People are counting on you.
So back to the our summer run groups…these groups are not only a way for us to improve our running, these groups are also a way for us to become more reliable and develop a reputation for being reliable. We can become known for doing what we say we will do. You get a chance to develop these character traits a little more because during the summer, Coach is not around to take attendance and jump all over you when you decide to bail. During the summer, showing up on time for summer running is all on you.
You can develop a lot of habits that will be valuable to you during your life.
If you know that getting to run group on Tuesday’s is going to be hard, think about this and make a commitment; either say ‘I will make sure I will be there on Tuesday’ or else tell people in advance, ‘I really don’t think I can make it, if I am not there on Tuesday leave without me–but I will be at the track every other day of the week!’ If you do bail, is it for a good reason–my mother is unexpectedly sick, you got called in to work–or a bad reason–I’m tired, I’m about to level up on WOW?
If you do have to bail on practice when you were expected, how did you bail? Did you send an honest message and follow up with an in-person apology, maybe bringing some fruit for the team the next day? Or did you bail poorly, simply ghosting, or maybe telling everyone about your problems as if you were the only one who matters (telling people how busy you are, you were up late, etc)?
And lastly, did you really think about the impact on others around you? Were they wondering where you were? Could you have helped others have a better workout if you were there?
Team, I believe this stuff matters in our lives. If you get in the habit of being reliable and not bailing, and when you have to bail you do so for significant reasons and with a real apology or acknowledgment, I believe people will notice. At the least, you will have a reputation for being someone that people can depend upon. And more likely, you are going to be someone that people want and seek as a friend, because they know they can count on you.
And you can help strengthen your traits in this area while improving your running! By being a dependable part of the MVXC17 summer run group.
So let’s run!
There was a time, not long ago, when a social commitment was not regarded as a disposable Post-it note, when people took it as a matter of course that reliability is a core element of treating people well, that how you spend your time is how you spend your life, and that if you don’t flake on people who matter you have a chance to build deeper and better friendships and live in a better and more respectful way. -David Brooks
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A few things came together to inspire me to write this post. First, I got an email from one of our veteran runners telling me that a bunch of new freshmen and sophomores were showing up for summer running, and I was thinking about what a great start Parky, Vivian, Emily, Andrew, Rohan, Brian and Ananya were getting–and what good teammates I’m expecting them to be. I am also deep into my summer in Oregon, and while I love it here, I miss my regular running partners back home–they help me keep my workouts strong. Yet I got a few texts from Mike and Ali and others asking how my running was going and I know they miss me too, and that friendship and support matters. And I while this was all going through my head I read a David Brooks piece about this subject, and I wanted to re-purpose this article for our team. I borrowed quite a bit from his piece. I hope that you get something from what I wrote!–Coach